At a certain point in your life, you need to learn the lessons you never wanted to, or didn't even realize you needed to growing up. That is where Saturn Return comes in. It is a period in your life when Saturn supposedly positions itself at the exact same spot it was at the day you were born. According to astrology, this happens every 28 years and lasts roughly 2 years. Among the planets, Saturn is known to be the teacher, the disciplinarian. Saturn makes you see harsh realities and this time in your life is supposedly for endings, as well as new beginnings.
I now understand why people in their thirties seem so at ease and confident. They have this happy acceptance of who they are and what they are about because they had those few years of utter confusion, anger, resentment, moments of extreme highs, followed by crashes they probably thought they would never recover from. They say that most people make at least one decision they regret while in the middle of their Saturn Return. Some get married on a whim, others act excessively to the point of getting sick, and the highest rate of suicide is during this time. Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, Jim Morison and Heath Ledger all died between 27-30 years old.
I don't know why they say you are officially an adult at the ages of 18-21 (depending on where you live) because I truly believe that your real coming of age into adulthood happens after you turn thirty. Honestly, you don't know shit until you are in your thirties. Heck, you probably still don't know completely in your thirties, but I can safely say that you have a firmer grasp of the realities of life in that decade.
I can say my Saturn Return was bad, but I know people who had it a lot worse. Mine generally consisted of a gigantic pendulum that kept swinging back and forth from extreme highs to extreme lows. I was totally irrational, illogical, uncaring, too caring- a walking contradiction of everything that would be spewing from my mouth. I was so confused, and so angry at nothing in particular and everything all at once. I started drinking too much, partying too hard and trying desperately to hold on to things that no longer suited me at that point in my life. All this internal confusion, while also trying to move forward in my career and raise a little girl by myself. I'm not even gonna lie, it was tough.
I'm not saying it's easy now, but I think I've mellowed quite a bit. I no longer sweat the little things, I don't panic or get anxious when things don't go the way I plan them to. I think the single most important lesson I learned was how to let go and stop trying to control everything. That was a hard lesson to learn. I went through so much shit just to get it.
I don't know exactly when the smoke started to clear and I slowly started being able to breathe again. I just know that there was a point when I started really realizing what I wanted in my life, who I was, what I could compromise and what I never would. I felt this great urge to purge myself of anything that had no place in my life anymore, or that I felt I had outgrown. One of them was my boyfriend at the time. I loved him dearly. We went out for so long, and tried so hard to keep it together. I thought the fact that we did long distance, went through all these difficult times and still loved each other meant we had to be together. I think I must have been insane. When I think about it now, our entire relationship happened during both our Saturn Returns. We started at 27, and ended right before 30. They say that things that happen during your Saturn Return are transient. None of it lasts, they are all just passing through.
Whether you believe in Astrology or not, the whole concept of Saturn Return makes a lot of sense. We all could benefit from searching for answers internally instead of looking for it elsewhere. At the end of the day, we know they are in us, we just need to get over our fear and dive right in.
I'm ready.
Walk like warriors, we were never told to run
Explored the world to return to where my soul begun
Never looking back or too far in front of me
The present is a gift
and I just wanna BE
Love Letters, Questions and Life Lessons
7 comments:
astrology is sooo fun :) i looked it up. apparently you have TWO MORE saturn returns. after reading up on it, i don't think i want to settle down with the opposite sex till after my first return :P
annnd love that COMMON at the end!!!!
Yes! It's every 28 years! My dad and I went through it at the same time ;p S, my boss and I were talking about it in Bellrocca and B and Kaya are gonna be going through it at the same time! They say whatever you don't learn the first time around will come back the second cycle, and so on if you are being a stubborn ass who refuses to give in and just learn your lessons lol.
whatever u don't learn will come back? dang. i have 3 years till my first one.. gosh, i wish it were sooner lol.
Wow! I think i am experiencing my own Saturn Return now! and it helped me become more matured, more decisive and sure about what i want to be and where i see myself in the coming years. This is so cool! Thank you for sharing this. :))
just the kind of read I need now. i'm 28 and i'm going through a painful Saturn Return. but i know this too shall pass. thanks for this post.
I went through my first saturn return and it was something I was able to handle although it drove me crazy. Now at 29, a few more days before I turn 30 I am really depressed and suicidal. My SR was over but it's getting worse. What's going on? Did I miss my lessons?
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