Physically, you feel like the most beautiful person in the world when you are falling in-love, especially if the person involved is falling for you too. The way your beloved stares at you like nobody else in the world exists sure can make a girl feel like she's the hottest woman alive. Chemically, you lose your appetite, seem to never need sleep because you'd rather be awake until 5 am with the object of your affection, and get butterflies in your stomach at the mere thought of him. Falling in-love can make you feel really silly and bring out this madness in you that you were always too shy to acknowledge. Emotionally, you are invincible and larger than life. You can do anything. Why? Because he loves you and you love him and seriously, that's all you need right? You feel like you could run a country, singlehandedly stop a war and handle life like it's nobody's business when you're in love.
I know you are all nodding and I'm not going to burst your bubble and talk about what Science says about love being merely a chemical reaction. Today is feel good day. And I want to stick to the down and dirty human-ness of it.
It's so hard to try to figure out what draws you to certain people. Physical Attraction might be on top of the list for initial attraction but that's really a matter of taste. If you think of the people you have fallen in-love with, you might find a similar trait in all of them that you are attracted to because you see yourself having it, or because you don't and it's a trait you would like to have- for whatever reason, there has to be SOMETHING. Sometimes, you need to real stop and think of what it is, sometimes you realize it in retrospect when the person is gone.
For me, I realized that I am usually attracted to guys that stand out from the crowd, but at the same time don't like to draw too much attention to themselves. When people used to ask me what made me like a guy, I would always say "His aura" a.k.a "There's just something about his all-around him-ness that makes me want to know him better." He's never the loud guy, never the "hey, look at me, i'm a superstar" guy. I've always liked the ones who stand out among everyone else, because he's chill, confident but not cocky and just exudes a quiet but can handle his biz kinda vibe. Half the time, he may even be oblivious to how attractive he is. Being creative myself, most of the guys I'm attracted to are creative in their own way as well, whether because he's an artist, musician, dancer, designer, whatever. There's always an element of respect and admiration that goes beyond the physical on my end.
I've never been jaded despite being temporarily disillusioned by love after relationships didn't work out in the past. I've always felt like my capability for love is infinite. I remember Carrie Bradshaw's question in one epsiode of Sex and the City--“When people fall in love, and then they break up, where does the love go?”
I personally believe it doesn't go anywhere. It stays in the deepest, most hidden parts of your soul because it was something that was real. The name and the face may be forgotten but the memory of the feeling remains. I also don't believe love is merely "transferred" to the next person. Each time you fall in-love is unique and it doesn't matter if it lasted a month or a lifetime. Each time I have fallen in-love has been like the first time, and has healed me from a past relationship, because it gave me hope that it's never the end of the world when a past love falls apart.
I could go on and on, but this topic is so complicated and I have indeed bit off more than I can comfortably chew. There are still so many questions and avenues to be explored. Before I start getting incoherent, let me leave you with lyrics my dad wrote in the 70's:
Love is for silly silly things
That you never think of doing
And all in a sudden little
Things have bigger meanings
It's getting up at night
And climbing up a tree so high
And then you try and touch
The sky and you ask
Why, why, why, why...
Love is for answering this crazy crazy questions
Love is for getting to the answers
Through emotions
'Cause love is a wonder and it's a thrill
When you're under
It's spell your hearts beating thunder
Because she's there
-Love is for Singing, Apo Hiking Society
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