Sunday, December 9, 2012

Love Letters: Thank You, Hawaii.

I'm so happy.

Right now, I am in Honolulu. My hotel overlooks the ocean. I spent 3 days with my cousins in Maui prior to coming here. Today I spent the day in a beautiful beach called Lanikai in Kailua, and caught up with a friend that I hadn't seen in literally 15 years.

I was never raring to go to Hawaii, mostly because I live on an island as well, and tropical weather is year round and beaches are a car or short plane ride away. I came to Hawaii unexpectedly this year. I was supposed to be in Korea for work, but I'm glad I switched things around and ended up here. I think I found another happy place, the other two being New York and London.

I haven't been very happy the past few months. Unexpected emotions rained on me and stayed around for awhile. Little by little, I've been feeling better, after a lot of introspection and even more verbal and written diarrhea. I didn't realize how much I needed this trip, but after I saw cousins I hadn't seen in awhile, stayed a few days in a sleepy, laid back island and am now exploring another on my own, I am really grateful to be here.

I had a good cry the other day. I don't even know what triggered it or where it came from but it was an EPIC cry. Like telenovela proportions. I could not control myself so thank god I was in the privacy of my room and away from everything familiar. Almost immediately after, I felt better. Like 500% better than I have in what seems like forever. I thought my depression would never go away. It really felt as if it would just going to drag on for the foreseeable future. Maybe I just needed to release everything. I haven't really cried so freely in awhile. I'm usually trying to stop myself because I'm in public or because Ananda is around and I don't want her to worry about me. Also, I didn't know how I was going to even begin explaining it to her, when I couldn't even understand myself.

So a big MAHALO, Hawaii, for healing me. For bringing a true, sincere smile back on my face. For reminding me how beautiful the world really is. For allowing me to head back home in two days knowing that I made it through that extreme low, and there is nowhere else to go but upward and forward.

A hui hou kakou,  Ku `u Lei Hawaii! Aloha and Mahalo nui loa!

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