As I was (am-but I got distracted and had to sit down and write this) packing for my Hawaii trip tomorrow, Erykah Badu's Bag Lady started playing on my laptop and I realized, looking at my luggage with too much stuff in it, that even after years and years of traveling, I still don't know how to pack light. It's still painful for me to have to remove stuff from my bag because I might need it during my trip. Never mind that it's a pair of shoes I never even wear in Manila, or that I probably won't have a reason to wear a particular dress. I'll end up bringing it anyway, then later on regret all the useless shit I dragged along with me because I can't fit any new purchases to bring home with me.
Do you see what I'm trying to say here? Yes, my life is pretty much like that too. I keep useless things "just in case" -in case what? I don't know. Maybe it's just the comfort of keeping things that are familiar or hold good memories, maybe it's keeping certain people around because it's convenient, or it would be weird without them, even if you don't have any particular need for them in your life, nor do they need you in theirs. I get horribly obsessed with situations, particularly those I can't fully grasp or understand.
I need to learn to pack light, both literally and emotionally. My 2013 Europe trip will actually be a big test for me. 6 weeks, about 5-6 countries. HOW?
In the same way, I need to rearrange my personal "furniture", focus only on what's valuable to me and seriously just fuck the rest. If it weighs me down, stops me from moving forward, makes me doubt myself or the world and is generally a negative force in my life, eff it. I need to spring clean the crap out of my life, something I think I've already been doing the past few years, but now, I feel it's importance more than ever.
So I need to get back to my luggage, and take a bunch of stuff out. My excuse has always been "Well, how am I supposed to know what I want to wear in 4 days?" In the same way, I don't know how I'm going to feel about people, things, life in a week or a month, but if I have too much going on in my head, I'll never really know where I'm at. Maybe it's better to just deal with things as they come instead of trying to guess what will happen and always be worried, on my guard, paralyzed.
Better things come to those who make space :)