I used to be a hopeless romantic.
I think when you are younger, you have all these ideas of what love is supposed to be like. I was 15 years old when I had my first boyfriend and boy, was I in for a surprise.
When you are young, you're only guidebook to love is probably Disney, or in my case, Titanic, which came out about the same time I fell in-love for the first time. You have all these rules you adhere to and you think you will live an die by those rules. You also think that the first guy you fall in-love with will end up being your husband. The lure of "forever" in first love is so strong. I remember believing completely and wholeheartedly that THAT was love and it was all love would ever be. And when it started going sour and we would fight everyday, I fought for the relationship until there was nothing else to fight for. After all, that's what love was about right?
Fast forward to 18 years later. My, how things have changed. I think in that amount of time, I went through enough relationships and drama to realize that love is not the fairytale we are led to believe it is when we are younger. Gone are the days I was the "hopelessly devoted to you" Or "ride or die" chick. Don't get me wrong, it took a lot of tears and disappointment for me to get over being a hopeless romantic. At the same time, it doesn't mean I don't believe in love. I take pride in the fact that despite all the crap I've had to put up with, and all the crap I've made others put up with in the past, I still believe in love. I have never become jaded or closed myself to the possibility of love. After all, if not because of it, why ar we even still alive, doing whatever it is we do?
A Hopeful Realist is what I've considered myself to be the past few years. I'm hopeful that things will work out as I'd like, but realistic enough to know that if it doesn't, it's not the end of the world. Love is a beautiful, magical but very complicated thing, and the older I get, the more I realize that there are no rules, and no limits to love. We love who our hearts want us to love, and though we can choose what to do, feelings are uncontrollable. That is the reason why we fall in love with people we aren't supposed to, why people find each other again, why 20 year relationships break up and why "soulmates" don't end up together. It's easy to wish that it was easy, but none of our wonderful life experiences would be so sweet without the shitty parts.
My heart has held a lot of pain, tears and almost unbearable suffering, but it has likewise carried joy and inexplicable love and happiness. Not every love story has to last a lifetime, and sometimes a few moments someone can last in you forever. Love has brought me to where I am now, and I wouldn't trade any of my experiences for anything in the world.
Life isn't perfect. Love isn't perfect. Yet, here I am, still hopeful :)
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