Life Lessons: Aware

I learned a new word today: Aware, pronounced ah-Wah-reh, it's of Japanese origin and means

"A word that describes the fleeting moments of fading beauty- the sad bittersweet feeling that something is so good, you don't want it to end."

In Japan, it is usually used to describe the last moments of the cherry blossoms for the season, but haven't we all felt this? Many times over in our short lives, in fact. You know, that feeling of wanting to hold on to something that you feel like you will never feel again, such as moments of clarity, or feeling infinite and invincible. Sometimes, a moment with a friend or lover is so amazing that it literally feels like a single second, so you replay it in your head over and over just to let it linger for a little while longer.

I feel like this a lot when I'm traveling, especially when I go to places I am absolutely in-love with, and it's the last few days before I have to head home. I once cried alone at JFK an hour before getting on the plane to come back to Manila, and after an almost 3 month trip that brought me to so many places from South America to New York. Three months is actually a long time to go on holiday for, but when it was ending, it literally felt like I was only gone for 24 hours and for weeks after I was back, I still felt like I wasn't. Physically, I had to go through the motions of everyday life, but mentally and emotionally, I was up in the clouds, or somewhere in Brooklyn or the Galapagos Islands.

I also feel like this a lot about my daughter. I feel like she's growing up so fast and everything seems to be going in fast forward. I feel like moments are gone before I can even fully immerse myself in them. I think she's 8 and all I have to do is blink and she's 9. I could take a nap and she'll be a teenager. I feel like I am constantly chasing her, because her growth is seemingly going at lightning speed. I never want her to grow up, but I know it is, of course, inevitable. I love watching it happen, but at the same time, I want to close my eyes and deny it all I can.

This also reminded me of a line from one of my favorite poems by Pablo Neruda called Tonight I can write. He says "Love is so short, Forgetting is so long"No matter the amount of time you shared  with someone, if it meant  a lot to you, it will seem like a blip in the length of your lifetime when it ends. Why do you think break ups are so difficult? Memories are kept in a safe, keys thrown away and it takes awhile for you to forget that it's there. One day you will, eventually, but at that exact moment it is ending, you just want to hold on for dear life, especially if you are still in-love with this person. You are thankful for all the experiences and love, but it's bittersweet because it needs to end.

Maybe these moments happen so quickly so when we think about them in retrospect, we will realize the blessings life has bestowed on us, and since cherry blossoms bloom every year, we will know in our heart that it won't be the last. We just need to be patient and wait, because we need to let life take its course and just happen. Maybe everything is just supposed to die a natural death, so that we can progress and find something better suited for us. Maybe we need the lulls and the crap just as much so we recognize awesomeness and beauty when we do encounter it. Maybe we won't even know what to do with these moments if we were given the chance to hold on to them. Maybe if we were, they wouldn't even be special anymore.

If caterpillars didn't die, butterflies could never be born. If we don't let moments go, we will never have space or the peace of mind to experience new ones fully. I guess at the end of the day, I can only be thankful to have had so many, even if a lot of the time, it all feels like a dream now.

                                                                    **AWARE**